D and Blondie Son were booked to go and see the Foo Fighters at Wembley (or the Kung-Fu Fighters as my Mother In Law calls them) as a post-GCSEs treat, but the event was cancelled so the four of us decided to go to London for the weekend, for a spot of sight-seeing.
It's a funny thing but I seem to revert to being a small child when visiting London. Half of me is wild-eyed with awe and excitement and the other half is frightened to death that I'll get lost/fall in the Thames/slip under a Tube train. There are soooooo many people. It's exactly 100 miles to the centre of London from our front door but it's like another world.
With the benefit of my very recent hindsight, I'd like to offer some tips to anyone considering visiting our capital ...
1. Wear comfortable shoes. Pavement-pounding in heeled boots, particularly if you're not terribly used to them, will crucify your calf muscles and render you completely unable to walk the following day.
2. Take a small bottle of hand sanitiser because, blimey, the place is filthy.
3. Ensure that there aren't any Anti-Austerity marches planned for the day unless you want to be swept into oblivion by a sea of placard-carrying shouty types.
4. Don't be tempted to toss a single crust to a single pigeon. In a matter of seconds, you will be surrounded by a hundred of them.
5. Forget about your personal space, especially on the Underground. You WILL be up close and personal with complete strangers and, occasionally, they will not be very fragrant.
6. There are two walking speeds, breakneck and stop-to-take-a-photo-every-three-seconds. A leisurely amble will not be accommodated.
7. Don't always heed the directions of the British Transport Police, they could be new to the job.
8. Take plenty of money. Think how much things normally cost and then multiply by ten.
9. It's the Royal Standard flying over Buckingham Palace that indicates the Queen is in residence and not the Union Jack. Knowing this will prevent you wasting twenty precious minutes trying to catch a glimpse of her peering through a window.