1 March 2012

Missing Page In The Parenting Handbook?

CHARACTERS:

Me : Me
Blondie Daughter : Blondie Daughter
Rose : Blondie Daughter's Best Friend
Rose's Mum : Blondie Daughter's Best Friend's Mum
Buttercup : Blondie Daughter's Friend Who Came To Tea Today

BACKGROUND:

Rose's little brother was poorly Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week so Me has been picking Rose up from school and taking her home each night.

Rose's Mum sent home a pretty pansy for Me by way of thanks.

Tonight, Blondie Daughter had Buttercup around for tea.

TEXT MESSAGES:

Me :  Aah, thanks for the lovely little pansy - very sweet of you, you minx! x

Rose's Mum : You're very welcome. Don't want to bother u because I know u have Buttercup round, but Rose has come home very upset today because she said Blondie Daughter has been telling her she's not her friend and ignoring her and she is confused why. xx

Me : I've had a chat with Blondie Daughter and she was very surprised that Rose was upset. Her words were "why would I say that to my best friend?" I wonder if Blondie Daughter and Buttercup were excited about this eve and Rose felt a little left out? Please assure her that, as far as Blondie Daughter is concerned, she is her BFF (best friend forever)!!  Hope helps. x

Rose's Mum : Rose isn't jealous at all, she has a very full life and lots of other friends.  She just isn't a nasty girl and doesn't understand why people turn on her for no reason.  Oh well we all believe our own don't we. xx

... stunned silence ...

Me : Gosh, Rose's Mum, I'm very shocked and saddened by the tone of your response.  May I suggest we let the girls sort it out themselves?

...

Blondie Daughter is in bits.  She is worried that Rose's Mum is going to shout at her in the playground tomorrow and she has no idea what she has done wrong.  I have assured her that won't happen.  Between you and me, if Rose's Mum so much as raises her eyebrows at my daughter, she'll rue the bloody day.

My daughter isn't perfect but I know when she is telling me the truth.

Am I missing something here?  It seems to me that the chips on the shoulders of the parents are weighing heavy on the children.

And I thought, at 40 years old, my playground days were well behind me ...

xxx

27 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! How shocking that she would send you back that response.. was this lady bullied/left out when she was at school by any chance..?

    I had to deal with a friend's mum being quite nasty to me when I was at school and it was awful. You'd think these mothers would be a little more grown-up... :(

    Ashley xxx

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    1. Sorry for using the name 'Rose' my love! X

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  2. One of the things I've been most surprised about as a parent is how similar the current playground is to the very same from 30 years ago. It's unbelievable what goes on. Like nothing's changed.
    I'm also amazed how so many parents get so actively involved in their childrens squabbles. With no taking of a pinch of salt.
    We've just started the next phase here - the facebook one. OMGoodness - it gets worse!!
    fee x

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  3. Oh crikey, with a 12 yr old daughter and a 9 year old daughter I've been there 1 too many times. Why oh why parents get like this I'll never know. I no longer get involved with ANY of my friends parents, NEVER! I prefer to stay a two arms lengths....seen it too many times & been involved much to my dismay....walk away!! Some mothers of some little girls are just mental!! They seem to revert to being little girls themselves. I've had the texts, I've had the phone calls, I've had the intimidation in the playground.....we encourage our girls to sort it out themselves as we all know girls change their minds from one minute to the next so it's NEVER worth saying such things because the next day it will be someone else and something else or they will be the best of friends again meanwhile you want to smash the mothers face in!!! You have my sympathies lovely....I really do know how awful it can be *shudders* it's better when they start High School because then you don't have to get involved with ANY of the mental parents!!!

    When all else fails know she is being a childish cow!!! Take a deep breath and don't lower yourself to being a child.....stay in parent mode! Then wish her boils on her arse!!!

    Take care x

    Jo x x x

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  4. Ugh. You poor thing - I HATE all the playground stuff that goes on, it really is like some people are reliving their school days - and what makes it worse is that they're showing their children that that's the right way to behave...
    Jo is right - rise above it, don't get involved and think REALLY horrid things about her when you're safely hidden away at home.
    xxx

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  5. so sorry you've had to deal with this... with four girls, i've seen plenty of bad behavior all around. my best advice is to not approach the parents directly about any disagreement, unless there's absolutely no alternative. it always seems to end poorly. so i tend to keep all of my communication, light and breezy. i'm in complete agreement with you, about letting the girls sort it out themselves.

    xo
    molly

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  6. Poor you,when my children where at school there was always some parents falling out because their children had, when the children where best of friends the next day.Your daughter sounds a more grown up than her friends mum dont let her bother you,I know its easier said than done.Hope every thing sorts its self out.Stay calm and give your little one plenty of cuddles its good for you.Love Jillxx

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  7. Thats an odd responce, it looks like you hit a nerve with suggesting she might feel left out and that was taken as jelousy. (perhaps her mother felt rejected as a child herself?!) Bit confused as to why Blondie daughter is in bits unless you read the texts to her?, Im with cupcakejojo on this one, I keep WELL out of the way of other parents. I dont like drama or confrontation and I'd rather not get to close incase of falling out amongst the kids.

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  8. My advice is ignore the silly woman because she's going to look a fool when the two girls continue on with their friendship like nothing has happened. Truth is that she is jealous of the fact that it wasn't her daughter round for tea today.

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  9. Just smile sweetly at the woman it will make her feel about 2 inches tall....the pratt!!! Lucey xx

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  10. Oh that page of the manual! I just tend to ignore it and know that kids sort it out pretty quickly - I try not to get involved.

    Am so glad my school gate days are far behind me.

    So far so good on the FB thing with us - I have a feeling that girl friendships are always more complicated than boy ones.

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  11. Oh good grief. I don't want to sound unfriendly here but that's the trouble when you have children isn't it, you kind of have to be friends with their parents even if they're a bit MENTAL. Ha!

    Bad enough that little girls have silly moments with their friends without the parents getting involved. Poor you.

    xx

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  12. Erm, were you not picking this child up and taking them home every night? I think not many people put themselves out like this and I wouldn't speak to someone like that who had been helping me. I think who are nice and help others out almost get a slap in the face for it.
    If there is a problem, texting is not a way to solve it and it was very silly for her to do so. I do worry about mobiles and texting, it seems to remove peoples' manners and social skills sometimes.
    It sounds like she got almost confrontational and has been quite harsh. Don't take any nonsense from her. Her issues are hers to deal with. Hope you are alright. xxx

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  13. So who lit the fuse on her tampon!!

    Seriously, I'm just so glad to be out of all that now. I must admit I didn't experience any of that when mine were small. Then again I think today's mums of young children are are lot more competitive than in my day.

    Could be because they're a lot older and think the playground is like the office.

    I wouldn't let this woman's comments ruin your day. don't give her the satisfaction. Just smile sweetly next time you see her.

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  14. I'm so confused by this... Honestly, why get so uptight about it, kids squabble all the time... And she completely changed your words around in her reply as well.

    Guessing this is something to look forward to when I start my own family in the next few years haha

    Taylor xx

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  15. It is so tricky at times isn't it? I've never experienced confrontation like this, but I do find the school gates a very intimidating place. Now I just focus on picking up the Princess and having fun with my kids after school and avoid politics where possible.
    I think you did the right thing. Kids have to sort it out themselves. Surely!
    With you in spirit....
    x x x

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  16. Nightmare!
    (Quite possibly my favourite parenting word)

    I think you have done the right thing - Its flippin hard though. I think encouraging the girls to sort it out between themselves is the best thing, and listening to your daughter & talking through how she feels, rationalising it for her. Mummy spats are the worse things to deal with.

    Hope it goes ok for your little one.

    Lx

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  17. One thing I've learned is that unfortunately you never get to leave all that playground stuff behind. My advice would be to let them sort it out for themselves - it tends to be short lived with children that age anyway. I think you took the right approach with Rose's mum, but be prepared for some frostiness. Just take the moral high ground and smile as if nothing had happened. Good luck my lovely friend - it's a minefield out there XX

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  18. I don’t miss those days, it wasn’t too bad for me with two boys. There is only one thing for it.....you need to slap the mother.... only joking, NOT! ;)
    I hope today went ok! Have a lovely weekend, she's not worth worrying about.

    Lou xxx

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  19. It is sad but true that even grown women (and men!) behave as if back in the playground when it comes to their children and the school pick up.
    Just look forward to the days when its over, and they travel independently, and you rarely even get to meet their friends parents (which is actually a bit sad and can in itself bring about fresh problems, but lets not go there.....).
    Have a lovely weekend and put those parents with hangups/chips on their shoulders/delusions of grandeur/snobs (or just plain bitches!) out of your mind.

    Gill xx

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  20. We-ell. It's the texting that does it. Tone is lost. I have recently (and not for the first time) inadvertently upset someone via the written word. My tone was lost. The wrong words were focussed on. I wasn't even given the chance to apologise because I was never approached about it. But I know I cause upset by a few things I have read on facebook. Not saying you miss heard the out right accusation that Rose is a nice girl and BD is a poo. What a witch to insinuate that. I'm just saying this bloody world of written word rather than voice to voice has a lot to answer for. I have a feeling one of my friendships is irrepairably damaged. And I'm so upset that my mate doesn't know me better. i guess we've lived to far away for too long....


    Anyway, BD and Rose will have gotten over this by next week. You, however will remain wary of this woman forever.

    xxx

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  21. oh my lordy, it is scary how some parents turn isn't it. xxx

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  22. Whoa!!!!!!
    Been there many times, feelings of wanting to kill deep in the pit of my stomach......yuk...mega yuk!!!!!
    I hate all that stuff.
    Just smile the biggest, cheesiest, most sickenly sweet, toothey smile at her the next time you see her....she might still hate ya but you'll feel a lot better...kinda bigger you know!!
    Have a great weekend Karen x

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  23. WOW! Your 'friend' owes you a huge, big apology hon! What is she 5? I am so proud of you for taking the kind hearted, grown-up approach and telling her that it is best to let the girls sort it out. As people have pointed out, the little ones will have forgotten about it in a day or two. Hang in there hon and have a good week. Becks xxx

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  24. There's a handbook?! Why didn't I get a copy?

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  25. Seriously, I have found that many mum's Achilles heel is the perceived slighting of their children. I'm guessing a person who can say thank you with flowers may now be feeling a tad embarrassed at how she handled the situation, hope so anyway x

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  26. as a parent of 4 it still amazes me how I am often made to feel because of the responses of my children''s friends parents. The school playground can be a battle field. I have been doing this for over 20 years, and still I can be made to feel awful......

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