I love the pretty things in life just as much as you. I am naturally a self-confident, glass-half-full kind of girl. I see beauty in the little things. I am inspired by creativity. I love fiercely and life is a joy.
This isn't very easy to write, believe me. Particularly because my blog is such a public arena. Perhaps I'm doing this for myself. Perhaps I'm hoping that if it helps just one of you, even the tiniest bit, then it's worth it. I don't know.
You may have noticed that I've been AWOL for a while. Depression got me. Good and proper. My defences were down and it crept in. It sunk its claws deeper and deeper and wouldn't let go.
Without realising it, I went from struggling to self-destruction.
If you've not suffered from depression, it's quite hard to explain. It's almost as if your own mind switches allegiance, sharpens its weapons, and starts attacking you from the inside. And it happens very quickly. Before long, you feel that there is no light, no optimism, no hope, no way out; just all-consuming helplessness and despair. You are frightened and so very, very alone. Someone can write a long list of all the good things in your life and you can read it and agree with it but you simply can't feel it. You can see, in crystal clear definition, the effect you are having on those closest to you but, rather than inspiring you to fight, it makes you begin to believe that they would be better off without you.
However ... and this is SO important ... they wouldn't. There is ALWAYS another way out. I know because I've been here before.
The very first step is acknowledging the place you're in and seeking external help. It's the toughest step but the biggest. Medication is my help. Luckily (and I use that word loosely!) for me, I've been on a low-level antidepressant since my last depression seven years ago, so an increased dosage has started working sooner than it normally would. The medication doesn't solve any problems but it gives you a bloody good first foothold on to the climb to getting back into control.
The next few steps are tentative. You've lost your confidence and are still fragile. Slowly you start to feel your way back into the world again.
That, my friends, is where I am now. Cautiously making my return. I'm sure it won't take long but for now I'm treading carefully. I know from experience that when I am back, I'll be stronger than before. "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" isn't just a cliche, it's true. Experiencing the bad makes you appreciate just how precious the good is and your desire and drive for it only increases.
So, my dear friends, please bear with me a tiny bit longer? I am so grateful for the kind and caring messages I've received. Please know that, whilst I may not have responded, I genuinely appreciate every single one.
xxx
The next few steps are tentative. You've lost your confidence and are still fragile. Slowly you start to feel your way back into the world again.
That, my friends, is where I am now. Cautiously making my return. I'm sure it won't take long but for now I'm treading carefully. I know from experience that when I am back, I'll be stronger than before. "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" isn't just a cliche, it's true. Experiencing the bad makes you appreciate just how precious the good is and your desire and drive for it only increases.
So, my dear friends, please bear with me a tiny bit longer? I am so grateful for the kind and caring messages I've received. Please know that, whilst I may not have responded, I genuinely appreciate every single one.
xxx
